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Wednesday, 9 March 2016

The hawks dark side

The hawks dark side
Normal one

Once upon a time there was a boy called Chris he somehow loved birds. One day he went to the Bird show and said to um I would like a bird but mum never bought him one. Chris kept on begging his parents for a bird but they never bought him one.

Edited one

A long time ago  there was a young boy called Chris he somehow loved playing with bird birds. One hot and cloudy day he went to A Bird fair. Later that afternoon I said to Mum I would like a bird but mum never bought him one. Chris kept on begging his parents for a bird but they never bought him one.

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Today we had written a paragraph about anything and had to de-construct and re craft it to make it more interesting for the reader
Enjoy 



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